Once Upon A Wild Hair

by Florence Ondré

 

This morning I dragged out the 10 times magnifying glass and took a what everyone the sane world says you must do….a good look in a mirror!

Shock of shocks, the discovery was that I’d gone right past becoming my mother and straight to being my grandmother! …and every bushy, crazy looking, wild haired old woman I’d ever seen.

Yes, I was right up there on my own world list of wild haired women where I’d wondered, “how could she go out in public like that?  good god, how could she live with those crazy ass eyebrows?”

There in the light of day, I stood aghast at my window, peering thru my eyeglasses to the magnifying mirror (yes I need both to see anything now) and viewed my own eyebrows gone awry.

Wasn’t it recently I’d tweezed the errant chin hairs which so cruelly and capriciously grow when and where they want?  I took care of those little stubborn hard line, now thankfully white instead of dark colored bristles.  I may not be able to see you but I feel you and out you go.

Then I moved the glass to my eyebrows and saw I had farm work to do.

Hairs had sprouted like gmo wheat fields from my upper eyelid to my brows.  God, how could I go out in the world looking like a mad scientist!

Pluck pluck groom groom…gone gone.  Whew.

And then I spied the brows themselves…. Hey! Wait a sec!  Shouldn’t eyebrow hair be short?  What karma had I been dealt overnite, with some leaning into the maginot line; lengthy enough to hang down over castle turrets; long and strong enough to be braided for princes to climb upon?

What had I done to become Andy Rooney or deserve curls gone wild every which way but loose?

Memories of women I’d known whose facial hair seemed to explode in odd directions on their aging faces floated to consciousness and I reached the terminal at the end of platform ‘why me?’  I had become them.

I wondered if my friends who spend tons of money on face creams, depilatories and spas had arrived at this plateau, unhaired, or had they just had more time and money to hide the inevitable? s

Some whispered the truth.  Don’t tell me we are not all one.

Stow the baggage of judgement and surface ego on this trip called life.  It’s simply a matter of arrival time.  Just for today, I’m a bit dishevelled from that red eye.

And now that I’m momentarily presentable, where am I going?

To a children’s party… and you know these are our greatest critics!

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3 Responses to “Once Upon A Wild Hair”

  1. Betty Kassin Says:

    Florence, I love it! Funny as could be…. that, is if it’s YOUR hair we’re talking about. It ain’t so funny when MY hair has lately become a bushy mass of white! Ugh! But seriously, I loved reading your humor, and so many of us can relate to it! Are you still staying in bed? Feel better! Betty Date: Sat, 6 Dec 2014 18:12:28 +0000 To: betk@webtv.net

  2. Betty Kassin Says:

    Hi Florence, I just got home from the library and again we had a full house, and lots of good writing. I was telling them about your latest: Once Upon A Wild Hair, how funny it was. SO, Florence, why don’t you send it to all of them. You have the e mail list, don’t you? Do it! They’ll enjoy it as I did. Betty Date: Sat, 6 Dec 2014 18:12:28 +0000 To: betk@webtv.net

  3. leahrodgers72929 Says:

    today i am so boring to do something, I do not know what happen to me. as every day, stay at home. suffer , sad , what shall i do? Click http://s.intmainreturn0.com/hukcoo091645

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